Healing Fears (Smokey Mountain Book 3) Read online

  She felt the couch shift as Melissa settled in next to her. “No. I will have to tell him that you’re safe, but I won’t tell him where.”

  Elisa opened one eye and studied the doc. “Jack going to go for that?”

  Melissa frowned as though it wasn’t something she’d considered. “I guess I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it. In the meantime, let’s have some girl time, shall we? If I know Penny, there’s a stash of wine and chocolate somewhere in this place.”

  Chapter 21

  “Doc, I swear if you don’t tell me where she is, you won’t sit for a week.”

  Paul frowned over at his friend, listening to him talking into his cell. “Jack, that’s enough. As long as she’s safe, that’s all I care about.”

  Jack’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You sure, man?”

  Paul nodded. “Just let them be.”

  “I’ll see you at home, doc. And we’ll be discussing this little stunt when I do.” Jack ended the call and took a seat at the kitchen table with Paul. “So. What’s up?”

  “Just a rough patch. We’ll be fine.”

  “Look, Paul, I’m not going to break out the wine and chocolate for you but if you need to talk, I’m listening. You helped me with my shit with the doc, so I figure I owe you one.”

  Jack left it at that and the pair fell silent, sipping the whiskey Paul had poured for them. “You ever wonder if we’re the bad guys?” Paul asked at length.

  “Just in general or something specific?”

  “When it comes to our women.”

  Jack paused with the whiskey glass halfway to his lips. “What are you talking about?”

  Paul scrubbed his hands over his face. “The way we treat them. The whole discipline thing.”

  “I thought you were really into it. You’re having doubts?”

  “I guess you could say that. I don’t want my wife to be afraid of me.”

  Jack downed he rest of his whiskey and studied the empty glass. “You’re comparing yourself to Pierce.”

  “How can I not? We’re exactly the same,” Paul snapped, scowling into his own glass.

  “So… you beat Elisa until she has bruises that last for weeks? Lock her in the house and refuse to let her see her friends? Beat her down and make her feel like nothing?” Jack snorted. “Maybe you are the bad guy.”

  “Jesus, of course not. But I do beat her, Jack. I should be behind bars.”

  “Then so should I.”

  Paul groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. I had her over my knee earlier and I just couldn’t take knowing I was hurting her.”

  “I’m guessing you haven’t told her this.”

  “I couldn’t. And the funny thing is, I hurt her even more by not telling her. I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to make it up to her.”

  Jack clapped him on the shoulder and stood. “Naw. She’s just hurt and pissed off. You guys’ll work it out. I’m going home to wait for my woman. You know where to find me if you need me.”

  Alone, Paul wandered the house, nursing another glass of whiskey. It always felt empty without Elisa, too quiet without her laughter or her teasing him to lighten up. But tonight, it felt like a tomb. Lifeless, just as he was.

  He stopped in the doorway of one of the spare bedrooms, the one they planned on turning into a nursery once they had a child. When they’d first decided to try, Elisa had gone a little crazy purchasing things for the nursery. He’d given her a whipping that had left her wincing every time she sat for several days after, and he’d cut her budget for the following month to the bone. But lately, watching the joy slowly drain from her month after month, he wished he’d given her just that one little thing. The money she’d spent was a small price to pay for her happiness and yet, he couldn’t even give her that.

  He’d never thought twice about it after he’d spanked her the first time. It had just clicked for them and they’d never looked back. But now, there were so many questions and doubts swirling in his head, he couldn’t ignore the niggling feeling that something was wrong with him. With them.

  He waited up as long as he could stand it before finally admitting to himself that she wasn’t coming home that night. Unable to face sleeping in the bed alone, he fell asleep on the couch with the ache in his heart his only companion.

  The knock on his office door jerked Paul’s attention away from the window he’d been staring at for God only knew how long. He turned to find Melissa standing in the doorway, looking as elegant and put together as always.

  “Melissa. Is everything okay? Is Elisa okay?” He was across the room in three strides, his hands gripping her shoulders without him realizing it.

  “Elisa is safe. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. Could we sit down?”

  Reluctantly, he released her shoulders and stepped back, gesturing for her to take a seat.

  “You have a lovely office,” she commented as she perched in one of his plush visitor’s chairs.

  “Thanks. What’s going on, Mel? I thought you were in some kind of bubble of silence,” he asked, not bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice.

  She didn’t flinch, but simply inclined her head in acknowledgement. “To an extent. I promised Elisa I wouldn’t tell you where she’s staying. But I didn’t promise I wouldn’t talk to you at all.”

  “Talk about what?”

  “I need to ask you a question, Paul. And please keep in mind that I’m trained to know when someone is lying to me.”

  A sense of unease had his stomach doing a slow roll. “What kind of question?”

  “Are you seeing someone other than your wife? Romantically or sexually?”

  It was so unexpected, so infuriatingly off-base, he answered immediately, without a thought. “Have you lost your goddamned mind?”

  Still, she didn’t flinch, just continued to watch him with those calm, blue eyes. “That’s not an answer.”

  Never in his life had he wanted to punch a woman. Until now. “Of course I’m not seeing anyone. I’m not having a fucking affair, Dr. French.”

  “Good.”

  For a moment, it was like his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth. “Good? That’s all you have to say after waltzing into my office in the middle of the day and accusing me of stepping out on my wife?”

  “I didn’t accuse you. I asked. You might want to take a moment and think about why I would feel compelled to ask such a thing.”

  “Jesus Christ. Does it drive Jack crazy when you talk like that?”

  Her lips twitched, just slightly, the first sign of emotion she’d shown since she’d knocked on his door. “Yes. He calls it my snooty doctor voice.”

  “I can see why. What I don’t see is why you’re asking me if I’m cheating on Elisa. Do I look like a cheater?”

  “Nobody looks like a cheater, Paul. If it helps, I believe you. I need to get back to the office.” She stood and started to walk by, but she hesitated by his chair, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You should talk to your wife. I’m sure she’d pay far more than a penny for your thoughts.”

  With that, she walked away, leaving Paul alone with his thoughts. She’d been gone nearly ten minutes before the meaning of her parting statement finally sunk in. Without a word to anyone, he ran for the door.

  Chapter 22

  “Elisa? I know you’re in there. Please open the door, baby.”

  Elisa scowled at the door to Penny’s apartment. Melissa must have snitched after all. “Go away, Paul. I have things to do. Like wash my hair and count the fibers in the carpet.”

  When he didn’t respond, she figured she’d won that round. But then she watched in horror as the doorknob began to turn. She’d forgotten he had a spare key. Racing across the kitchen, she threw herself against the door. It gave for a moment, but then swung easily inward. Paul stood in the open doorway, staring at her like she’d suddenly grown an extra head.

  “We need to talk.”

&nbs
p; “Fuck you,” she snarled in response, humiliated and furious to find her eyes filling with tears.

  “I deserved that.”

  Her heart thundered in her chest. Was he here to confess? Beg forgiveness for fucking another woman behind her back? “I’m not interested in whatever you have to say.”

  “There’s nobody else, Elisa. I swear to God, on everything I love, I’ve never touched another woman since the first time I took you to the lake.”

  She wanted to believe him. It would be so easy to just forget her doubts and suspicions and move on with their lives. “I never asked if you were cheating on me,” she replied carefully.

  “I know. Melissa did.”

  “Melissa has a big mouth. I told her that in confidence.” Betrayal mixed with confusion and hurt until she felt like she might be sick.

  “Elisa.” He reached for her, and she didn’t struggle when he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. “I love you, more than I ever knew I could love another person.”

  “I love you, too.” She pulled away so she could look up at him. “Will you please talk to me now? I know there’s something wrong, and it’s killing me that you don’t trust me enough to tell me.”

  “Oh, little bird.” He sighed, cupping her cheek with his hand and brushing away an errant tear with his thumb. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you everything.”

  She followed him to the couch, allowing herself to be pulled down onto his lap. “I don’t know where to begin,” he said after a long, strained silence.

  “Let’s start with last night. Why did you stop spanking me?”

  He sighed, and she heard the heaviness he must have been carrying with him in the sound.

  “It didn’t feel right.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He ran a hand up and down her arm, and she wasn’t sure who was comforting who. “Punishing you doesn’t feel right anymore. Ever since the trial.”

  It took a moment for the implication to sink in. “Paul… you don’t think… you’re nothing like him.”

  “I’m not so sure there’s much difference between us. Either way, I just don’t feel comfortable spanking you anymore.”

  “I don’t know what to say to that. Except I love you and if you need a break, we can take a break.”

  “Thank you.” The relief in his voice nearly broke her heart.

  Elisa shifted to straddle his lap. She didn’t often have the chance to be eye to her with her man, so it always gave her a bit of a thrill when she was. “You are the love of my life, Paul Davenport. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. There’s just one thing I ask in return.”

  “Name your price,” he told her, running his hands up her thighs to cup her bottom.

  “Make love to me. Touch me the way you used to. Please.”

  His answer was a kiss so tender, so achingly sweet that it brought tears to her eyes. “Lovely little Elisa,” he murmured, moving his lips along her jawline, then down her neck. “Sometimes it feels like I’ve loved you my entire life.”

  Elisa leaned back enough to grab the hem of the shirt she’d stolen from Penny’s closet, pulling it up and off. She’d decided against a bra, since she was planning on staying in the apartment all day. Paul’s lips closing around one nipple sent jolts of electricity straight to her clit. She arched her back, offering herself to him. His fingers stroked her bottom through the thin leggings she wore as he teased her nipple into a hard, aching point. She gasped when he bit down, just hard enough to have her throbbing with need.

  “I need you, inside of me,” she pleaded, her voice barely a whisper.

  “I’m not done tasting you.” With an ease that never failed to make her weak in the knees, he lifted her, then lowered her to the floor. Kneeling between her thighs, he hooked his fingers in the leggings and slowly peeled them down her legs. The light brush of his knuckles against her bare skin left a line of burning desire down both legs, until she thought she might spontaneously combust.

  “Now?” she asked, reaching for him.

  “I told you, I’m not done tasting you.” Lifting one dainty foot, he pressed his lips to the inside of her ankle, his eyes locked on hers. The need burning there had her trembling under his hands.

  Slowly, he worked his way up the inside of her leg with his mouth, until he hovered over her hot, soaking entrance. At the first flick of his tongue, she arched up, gripping his hair to hold him close to her, encouraging him to eat his fill. Which he did, licking and sucking her sensitive nub, sliding his tongue inside of her, tasting every last bit of her and driving her mad.

  “Please.” The word was a sob on her lips. “Paul, please. I can’t.”

  It was all the encouragement he needed. Gripping her hips, he buried his face in her heat, and she came screaming his name, her hips jerking beneath him as he drew out every last ounce of pleasure until she simply collapsed against the hardwood floor.

  Sitting up, he shed his clothes, with Elisa watching through the fog the orgasm had left over her brain. He was so handsome, this man who’d been her first true love. The first and only man she’d ever fully given herself to. And when he slipped inside of her, she sighed at the familiar feeling of their bodies joining together, becoming one. And when she went trembling over that peak of pleasure again, he went with her, and for at least that one bright, shining moment, everything was right between them again.

  “We should get dressed and head home.”

  Elisa sighed and snuggled into her husband’s side. “Don’t wanna.”

  “Elisa.” The warning tone sent a shiver down her spine. But then she remembered he wasn’t going to be spanking her, at least for now, and she wasn’t quite sure how to feel.

  “What?” She began tracing little circles over his chest. “Would it be so bad to just stay here awhile?”

  “We have to get the place cleaned up, and we have a long day tomorrow. Let’s go.”

  “No.”

  In a blink, he had her pinned under him again, his eyes dark and serious. “Our new arrangement is not license for you to turn into a brat, young lady.” He sat back on his haunches and hauled her upright. “Now get moving.”

  Even without the threat of a spanking, his tone demanded obedience. Elisa pushed up off the floor and dressed, jerking her clothes back into place. She could feel Paul’s eyes on her as she moved around the room, cleaning up and putting things away with more force than necessary.

  She was in the kitchen washing the few dishes she’d used when he came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. “I don’t want this to turn into a battle between us, Elisa. I know it’s going to be an adjustment, but I don’t want to fight. Okay?”

  He sounded so sad, she felt herself softening. “I don’t want to fight, either. I’m sorry.”

  “I know, baby. It’s okay. I love you.”

  She leaned back against him so he could press a kiss to her neck. “Love you back. Dishes are done,” she said, setting the last plate in the drying rack and turning into his embrace. “Let’s go home.”

  “I’ll meet you there. I need to swing by the store and pick up pie fixin’s.”

  “Pie?” She frowned in confusion for a moment before the implication sunk in. “Holy shit! Thanksgiving. I completely forgot.”

  Paul narrowed his eyes at her. “What?” she asked unnecessarily. She knew exactly why he was looking at her that way. She just didn’t know what he intended to do about it.

  “I’m trying to decide how I feel about washing your mouth out with soap. I’ll give you that one, but don’t push it, Elisa.”

  “Yes, sir. Sorry.”

  He used the tip of his finger to tilt her chin up so he could kiss her. “We’ll figure this out, little bird. See you at home?”

  “Yeah.”

  Paul walked her out to her car, kissing her goodbye before climbing into his truck. She started to drive home, but changed her mind at the last minute. When she
pulled up in front of the little house, she sent Paul a quick text.

  Had to make a stop. See you soon xoxo

  Hoping he’d be satisfied with that, Elisa jogged up the driveway and knocked on the front door. When it opened, she was forced to crane her neck up to see Jack’s face. “Hey. Is Mel home?”

  “Does Paul know you’re here?”

  Elisa colored under his stern glare. “Yes. Well, no. But I told him I was stopping somewhere. You can tell him I’m here if it makes you feel better,” she added with some heat when his gaze never wavered.

  He raised a single eyebrow and she wondered fleetingly if the guys spent time practicing that look together. Did they just hang out in bathrooms, watching their reflections, perfecting that single expression? It seemed like the only reasonable explanation for how they all managed to look exactly the same when they did it.

  “If he asks, I’ll tell him. Come on in. Melissa’s just, uh, washing her face.”

  Elisa settled herself on the plush couch and waited on her friend. Melissa appeared a few minutes later, her cheeks slightly pink from being freshly scrubbed, and a telltale ring of red around her eyes. Elisa winced when she saw her. “I came at a bad time. I’m sorry, I should’ve called.”

  Melissa waved away her apology, but it didn’t escape Elisa’s notice that she made no move to sit. “Nonsense. My door is always open for you. Have you talked to Paul?”

  “Do we need a third go round, doc?” Jack’s gruff, irritated voice made both women jump.

  “She came to me, Jack, she obviously wants to talk. I’m not interfering,” Melissa said with an uncharacteristic pout.

  “She’s not, Jack. I came here to talk to her about it, I promise,” Elisa rushed to put in, hoping to diffuse the situation.

  The long, hard stare Jack pinned her with made her wonder how long criminals lasted in an interrogation with him. “All right. I’ll give you ladies some privacy.” Elisa had to look away when he cupped Melissa’s cheek with his broad hand and placed a tender kiss on her lips.