Healing Fears (Smokey Mountain Book 3) Read online

  He grinned at her, but she didn’t feel like he was laughing at her, which was nice.

  “Adults are weird. Sometimes they do like working. And sometimes they work so they can show you they love you.”

  That was something she hadn’t considered before. “How so?”

  “Remember how you got that new bike for your birthday and you thought it was the greatest thing ever?”

  She remembered. It was blue because everyone knew how much she hated pink, even though she thought pink was really pretty, she couldn’t tell anyone that because it was too girly. More importantly, the new bike was fast. Even though Penny said they were too old for bikes now that they were thirteen because they were women and not little girls anymore, Elisa still loved the feeling of flying down the road with the wind in her face. “I remember. What’s your point?”

  “Well, your parents work hard so they can get you things like that bike. I know it sucks sometimes, but I think it sucks for them, too. They’d rather hang out with you than work, but they work because they love you.”

  It was hard to argue with him when he put it that way. “Oh. I guess that makes sense.”

  “Good.” He tousled her hair, laughing when she swatted at him. “Ready to get some homework done?”

  “You don’t have to stay. I’ll do it. You probably have a date or something.” The idea of him going on a date and probably kissing other girls made her stomach feel funny, but she wasn’t stupid. No sixteen-year-old boy—especially when that boy was as cute as Paul—would rather hang out with a thirteen-year-old girl with no boobs when he could be out with someone his own age.

  But Paul just winked at her and pulled up a chair. “Nah. I’d rather be here.”

  She knew he was lying. But she didn’t care. He was there with her instead of out with someone else, and that was all that mattered.

  “So, what all do you have?” he asked, pulling the chair close enough for her to smell his cologne. She assumed it was cologne, anyway. But maybe it was just him, and that was just how he smelled. It took her a moment to focus on his question.

  “Math and English,” she replied, hoping she wasn’t blushing. That would be so embarrassing.

  “Let’s start with math.”

  They spent an hour working on her math problems, and by the time they were done she actually felt like she understood most of it. “You’re a way better teacher than Mr. Hickman,” she said, slamming the book shut and shoving it in her book bag.

  “I like math, so that helps.”

  Elisa wrinkled her nose as she pulled out the book she was supposed to be reading for English. “Why? It’s boring.”

  He shrugged, and it made his hair fall over his face in a way that had her reaching to brush it back. When she realized what she’d almost done, she snatched her hand away. “Sorry,” she mumbled, flipping open her book.

  “No worries. What book are we reading?”

  “Beowulf. It’s not the stupidest book I’ve ever read.”

  “You can admit you like a book, Elisa.”

  “You don’t think it’s, like, nerdy?”

  “Nothing wrong with being a little nerdy. Why do you like it?”

  She shrugged, secretly delighted by the conversation. “I don’t know, really. It’s different, and it’s just really interesting.”

  “Why don’t you read it to me?”

  “Really?” She couldn’t help the smile that split across her face. “You don’t have somewhere else to be?”

  “I told you already, little bird. I’m right where I want to be.”

  Chapter 3

  Elisa stood beneath the bleachers with a few of her teammates and took a long, slow drag off a cigarette. She didn’t really like them, but she knew her parents would freak if they found out, and that was a good enough reason for her to do anything these days. Besides, she’d just set a school record on the two hundred, so why shouldn’t she celebrate?

  “Oh, yummy. Look alive girls, eye candy at twelve o’clock.” Stacy McCain was staring over Elisa’s shoulder with an expression that reminded Elisa of a cat who’d been given a bowl of cream.

  “Elisa Marie Hawthorne.”

  Elisa froze at the familiar voice, struggling not to be embarrassed by the giggles of her teammates. Turning, she hid her cigarette behind her back and smiled brightly up at Paul. God, he was gorgeous. And tall. And perfect. Jesus, would she ever get over him? “Hey. What are you doing here? You graduated like, ten years ago.”

  Paul simply raised an eyebrow and held out his hand. “What? I don’t have anything,” she lied, dropping the cigarette and casually stepping back to grind it into the ground with her heel.

  “You are in so much trouble. I’m taking you home.”

  He reached for her arm, but Elisa ducked around him. “You’re not the boss of me!” She inwardly cringed at the juvenile retort. Was that really the best she could do? When he moved to grab her again, she dodged to the left, but he was apparently ready for her and caught her around the waist. Lifting her with an easy strength that sent her heart racing, he carried her across the field to the parking lot. Setting her down by her car, he kept a firm hand on her arm as he lectured her.

  “What the hell are you thinking, Elisa? Smoking? Of all the moronic things I’ve seen you do, this one takes the cake.”

  His words sliced right through her. “Fuck you.” She snarled, fighting back tears. He was the only person capable of making her cry like that, at the drop of a hat, and she hated him for it. Right in that moment, she just hated him, period.

  “Watch it, Elisa. I’m not in the mood for your attitude right now. You’re lucky I don’t…” He cut himself off and shook his head, but his words had gotten her attention.

  “Don’t what?” she pressed curiously.

  “Nothing. The point is, you have no business smoking. Get in your car. I’m going to follow you home.”

  She crossed her arms and tilted her chin up defiantly. “I’m not going home. Penny and I have plans.” It was a lie, since Penny was currently eyeballs deep in planning the homecoming dance, but Elisa wasn’t about to give in to him.

  “Plans are canceled. Get in the car. Now.”

  “No.”

  They stood there for a moment, silently staring at each other. And then he did something she’d dreamed of but never in a million years thought he’d really do: he kissed her.

  Although kiss seemed like too tame of a word for the electricity shooting through her. Too bland for the way he took her mouth, the way his lips branded hers. Kiss was simply too soft and too sweet of a word for something that left her breathless and shaking by the time it was done.

  She was still reeling from it when he let go of her like she’d scalded him. It took her a moment to recognize the shock and regret on his face, and it was like having cold water thrown in her own.

  “Fuck. Elisa. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  In the eight years she’d known him, she’d never once heard him swear. She wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that kissing her had pushed him to do something so out of character. “Why not?” she asked.

  “You’re sixteen. You’re still in high school.”

  “So? I’m not a little girl anymore, Paul.”

  “I’ve noticed. Look, I have to go. Go home, Elisa. And forget this ever happened.” And just like that, he turned on his heel and walked away. Elisa watched him go, her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces in her chest.

  “Goddammit!” Paul punched the steering wheel of his truck, somewhat mollified by the throbbing pain in his knuckles.

  He never should have touched her. He had no right to put his hands on her. But God, she got to him. She always had, but watching her with that defiant smirk on her face and the challenge in those gorgeous brown eyes, his self-control had simply snapped.

  He could still taste her on his lips, and he knew he needed to do something to get her off his mind. He couldn’t go to Mike’s house because odds
were she’d be there, crying on Penny’s shoulder.

  The thought made him pause. Had he really made her cry? Fuck, he was an idiot. Throwing the car into drive, he peeled out of the parking lot and headed for town.

  Mike found him there hours later, shooting pool, still edgy and pissed off at himself. He saw his friend walk through the door and braced for a fight. Mike was as protective of Elisa as he was of his own sister, so it wouldn’t surprise Paul if he was there to kick his ass.

  Mike sauntered over in that cool, self-assured way he’d had since they were young and stopped at the table. Paul ignored him as he lined up the shot—and completely missed. “Shit,” he muttered, finally straightening and facing his friend.

  “So. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t break your pretty nose for fucking with Elisa,” Mike said, and Paul could have sworn he was enjoying himself.

  “I’m in love with her,” Paul replied bluntly.

  “Well yeah, I know that. Got anything else?”

  Paul stared at him for a moment before blowing out a breath. “No, just that. Still want to punch me?”

  “Always. But I won’t. If I know you, and I do, you’re doing a good job of beating yourself up without my help.”

  “How is she?”

  Mike rubbed the back of his neck, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “Pretty broken up. All I got out of Penny was a demand to find you and kick your ass. What happened, anyway?”

  “I kissed her. I was pissed, and she was standing there looking gorgeous and annoyed and I just—kissed her.”

  “Damn. How bad of a kisser are you, man?”

  That dragged a laugh out of him. “The kiss was excellent. It was probably me telling her it was a mistake that upset her.”

  “Why the fuck would you say that?”

  Paul blinked, confused by the question. “Because it was. I can’t be with her, at least not right now.”

  It was Mike’s turn to look confused. “Why not?”

  “It’s just not the right time.”

  “What does that even mean? You love her, she’s obviously into you. Go for it.”

  “This is going to sound stupid,” Paul began.

  “Par for the course.”

  “Asshole. Look, she’s young. I want her to, you know, spread her wings a bit. I want to marry her, Mike. But that’s a lot for a sixteen-year-old girl to take on.”

  “Plenty of girls marry their high school love. It’s not like you’re an old man, even if you do act like one.”

  “I know that.” It was true, he thought. A three-year age difference wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things. He rolled it over in his mind. Maybe plans were made to be changed. “You won’t kick my ass if I make a move on her?”

  “You already made a move. But break her heart again and I’ll kick your ass to hell and back.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

  “I thought he liked me.” Elisa stabbed her carton of ice cream, imagining it was Paul’s face.

  “Men are pigs,” Penny declared, daintily scooping out a spoonful of ice cream from her own carton and slipping the spoon between her lips. It never failed to amaze Elisa that the girl exuded sexuality without trying, even at sixteen. Why couldn’t she be effortlessly sexy and gorgeous like Penny? Maybe Paul wouldn’t have thought kissing her was a mistake if she was prettier, or sexier, or taller, or more sophisticated. The thought had her stabbing at her ice cream again.

  “Definitely pigs. Pigs with amazing hair who can take your breath away with a single kiss,” Elisa said with a sigh. Despite the ache in her heart, it had still been a hell of a kiss.

  “Forget him, sweetie. It’s time to get over your silly little crush anyway. There are so many other, better fish in the sea.”

  She didn’t even know how not to be in love with him. It had been a part of her for such a long time, the idea of being with anyone else felt like she was ripping out her own heart. But, maybe Penny had a point. “You’re right. I am declaring myself officially over Paul Davenport.”

  As if on cue, the doorbell rang. It was past eleven, so way too late for visitors. The girls looked at each other, shrugging in unison. A few moments later, Paul appeared in the doorway of Penny’s bedroom.

  “Hey, Penny,” he said, though his eyes were locked on Elisa’s. “Elisa. Can we talk?”

  Penny stood. “Why don’t I give you two some privacy? Just call if you need me to come kick his ass, sweetie.”

  “She’ll have to get in line behind Mike,” Paul said with that quick, charming smile Elisa had loved for so long as Penny scooted out of the room.

  “What do you want, Paul?”

  He looked so nervous, for a minute she worried he might puke right on Penny’s super expensive rug. “I came to apologize.”

  Fury bubbled up in her, and she leapt from the bed to storm up to him. Placing her hands on his chest, she shoved him as hard as she could, even more infuriated when he barely moved. “Don’t you dare apologize to me again.”

  “Not for kissing you. For, uh, what happened after.”

  “Wait.” Stepping back, she waved her hands at him. “Are you apologizing for apologizing?”

  “Uh, yeah. I guess I am.”

  She suddenly felt tired, right down to her bones. “Just get out. I don’t want your pity.”

  “I’m not here out of pity. Can we just talk?”

  Her resolve wavered, for just a moment. But years of pining for him, only to have him give her a taste of what it might be like to be loved by him before he yanked it away hardened her again. “No. Go away. I don’t want to talk.”

  “Elisa, please just listen.”

  “No!” Tears burned at the back of her throat, but she refused to let him see her cry. Again. “Jesus Christ, Paul, get a clue. I’m over it. Over you. Just go.”

  Not sure that she could stick to her guns if she looked into those stormy eyes a second longer, she turned her back on him. She felt him watching her as the seconds ticked by in strained silence. Then she heard the sound of his footsteps fading as he walked away. When Penny came in and silently wrapped her arms around her, Elisa turned into the comfort of her best friend’s embrace, and she wept.

  Chapter 4

  “Let’s get this party started!”

  Elisa raised her contraband beer in the air, toasting her newfound freedom, as she cheered along with the crowd. High school was officially over, she was legally an adult, and nobody could tell her what to do anymore. After chugging the beer and grabbing a second, she looked around for Penny. She found said friend with her legs dangling off the edge of Jamie Whitley’s tailgate, flirting shamelessly with the older boy.

  Elisa detoured off to the right, hoping to find herself a handsome college guy to flirt with for the evening as well. There were plenty to be found, since they’d all come home for the summer and they knew the party would be packed with hometown girls who’d just graduated, looking to have some fun. Turning a corner, she spotted the two college guys she’d hoped they wouldn’t find at the party: Mike and Paul.

  “Shit,” Elisa muttered, executing a quick about face.

  But she hadn’t turned fast enough. “Elisa Hawthorne, get your ass back here!” Mike’s furious voice carried over the noise, prompting Elisa to drop her beer and run. She dashed over to where Penny was now engaged in a full on make-out session with Jamie in the back of his truck.

  “Penny, we’ve got company!” she hollered, banging twice on the side of the truck.

  A very inebriated Penny sat up and peered down at her. “What’re you yellin’ about?” she asked crossly.

  “Paul’s here. With Mike. We have to go!”

  “Shit! My parents are going to kill me!” Penny scrambled up, but in her drunken state, she overcompensated and toppled over the edge of the truck. Right into her brother’s arms.

  “Are you drunk?” Mike asked, setting her firmly on the ground.

  Penny glanced at Elisa, who shook her head frantically. “Uh, no?”
Penny replied, drawing out the ‘o’ until she dissolved into a fit of giggles. Elisa rolled her eyes at her friend’s back.

  Mike shook his head and sighed. “I’m taking you home. Mom and dad are going to be pissed.” He turned to Paul and gestured to Elisa. “Can you make sure that one gets home?”

  “Sure,” Paul said, glancing over at Elisa, who wasn’t about to go quietly.

  “I can get myself home when I’m good and damn ready, Michael Frost.”

  Mike rolled his eyes towards the heavens. “Better you than me, buddy,” he said to Paul. “See you around.” With that, he grabbed his sister’s hand and pulled her away.

  Elisa glance over at Paul. It had been nearly two years since that disastrous kiss they’d shared in the parking lot of their Alma Mater, and she’d almost forgiven him for breaking her heart. They’d barely said two words to each other since she’d kicked him out of Penny’s room, so she wasn’t exactly certain what to expect.

  “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

  The idea of being alone with him made her stomach hurt. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  “No, you’re not. Let’s go, Elisa.” He reached for her, and without thinking twice, she ducked around him and took off for the woods.

  For a few shining minutes, she lost herself in the thrill of running, concentrating on her feet pounding against the packed dirt as she raced through the trees. Her joy was cut short when a shockingly strong arm snagged her around the waist and lifted her into the air.

  “Let me go! I swear to God I’ll scream for the cops, Paul!” She struggled against his hold, but he simply draped her over one shoulder and began walking back to the party.

  “Go ahead and scream. Even if they hear you, I suspect they’ll have more questions about the alcohol you’ve been drinking than my treatment of you.”

  He had a point, but she didn’t have to admit it. “Put me down, right now, and I won’t tell anybody about this. We can just both live our lives, and never bother each other again. Deal?”

  “Nope.”